Terrifying

When Sophie was in the NICU, someone introduced me to CaringBridge.  It's like a blog, meant for updating friends and family on people who are ill, injured, etc.  I kept Sophie's site up for much longer than I needed to, well after she was home and healthy (in fact, it's still there but I haven't updated since 2009).  www.caringbridge.org/visit/sophiemarielightfootprice

Since that time, there have been several other kids who I have been following, kids who are chronically ill, kids who have died tragically after long and difficult diseases, kids who have recovered and gone home.  Last week, one of them became very, very sick.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/melanie
Little Melanie is in the ICU and running out of options.  The last effort for her will be to go on "ECMO," a machine that I was very much afraid of in the NICU.  It is life-support for the heart and lungs, and not many people come off of it the same as they went on, if they come off at all.  I have never met Melanie or her family, but have been thinking about her throughout the day all week.  I just can't imagine going through that with a child.
Going through long-term intensive care is terrifying.  So many scary things happened with Sophie, and there were several moments that I was sure would be her last.  As terrible as it was, I imagine it is much much worse for Melanie's parents.  Melanie is a little girl, not a baby.  When it was happening to Sophie, I didn't even know her yet--I had never talked with her or even held her.  She was unconscious and paralyzed for most of the first two weeks of her life.  It just breaks my heart to think of what this family is going through.

By some crazy miracle, Sophie is fine.  Even her lungs, the weakest of preemie organs, are fine.  She had pneumonia last week, and was FINE.  It's insane the way her body healed itself and grew normally after starting out at 13 ounces.  I don't worry much about her health anymore.
I do worry about future babies though.  I'll be 30 very soon, so I have a limited number of years left to have them.  We definitely want another child.  I know that I will probably always have tiny babies, that's just the way it is.  But what if the next one isn't as strong as Sophie?  I'm worried that it's incredibly selfish and ridiculous to even try.